Now that we’re in the home stretch of season 5, it’s time to take a step back and see what we’ve learned so far. The plots are advancing at a glacial pace. The writers are running out of source material. Unlike the previous 4 seasons, now they have to think up of new scenes, interactions and character. Not only that, but they’re pressed for time so they got rid of several characters. By doing so they changed the story a bit, and down the road, will change it a lot. It’s called the butterfly effect. With the fifth book, The Winds of Winter, not coming out anytime soon, the showrunners will have to think on their feet as Season 6 approaches. We’ve already seen the end of Bran’s arc last season and the Tyrion/Danaerys arc is already heading past the book at this point.
The pro is that we’re learning a lot of what George RR Martin had in store for the Song of Ice and Fire faster than he can write. The con is that they writers are not George RR Martin. We get subpar materials where the writers had to ad lib story arcs due to character and scene cuts. (Dorne was a huge disappointment, more on that later). We can’t always get we want, let’s give the showrunner some credit, they did something that was thought impossible. The world of A Song of Ice and Fire was created to be impossible to film, yet it’s thanks to them that the fan base grew exponentially in the past 5 years. As GRRM puts it, “There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large…”
Let’s start with the ridiculousness that is Dorne. Dorne has been the most underwhelming plot arc in Season 5. Yes, as mentioned earlier, it could verily be the lack of source material. Another theory from fans is the showrunners pandering to show-only fans’ reaction to Oberyn Martell. Oberyn Martell was amazing. Pedro Pascal put on one of the best performance for any minor character this author have seen. Book fans loved him for being so true to the material. What better way to pander to the fan’s love of Oberyn than to focus on his homeland: Dorne? The novels painted Dorne off in a corner in a support role. Dorne in the source material merely served as an auxiliary location for a character that never saw the light of day in the show. Now that they did away with said character, how else can they show off Dorne except write up a completely new story arc?
Unfortunately, the story lacked in design, plot, and character development. The sand snakes had cheesy lines, never any real history. Their only ambition is avenging Oberyn Martell’s death. Dorne in this episode gives us gratuitous nudity and a reminder that Bronn was cut with a poisoned dagger. Oh no, Bronn is going to die, the bastards are finally doing it, killing off more fan favorites! Nope. Subverting the trope, the showrunner decided they killed enough characters and gives him an antidote in the form of a necklace worn by the naked Sand Snake. Oh and there was something about being the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Could it be a future love plot? Honestly, who watches Game of Thrones for love? It’s all about vengeance, dragons and zombies. Here’s what we take from this: One of the Sand Snake is either extremely narcissistic or she’s got a crush on Bronn. The only good thing out of this is Bronn getting to live to see more episodes.
At The Wall, Aemon Targaryan finally died. Instead of on a boat to Oldtowne, he dies at Castle Black and uttered the fan-favorite quote, “Egg! I dreamt I was old!” A reference to GRRM’s other works. If you would like to know more about who Egg is, feel free to enjoy GRRM’s short stories: The adventure of Dunk and Egg. Out in the yard, Jon Snow gathers his party, cutting free Thormund Giantsbane in front of his fellow brothers. There could’ve been more tactful ways to do this, perhaps secretly, but no, this is Jon Snow, he’s the motherfuckin’ Lord Commander, love it or leave it. Next stop is Hardhome, where the other wildlings fled to and also the title of the next week’s episode.
If only Jon learned from the mistakes of Jeor Mormont – half these brothers are rapists, murderers and thieves after all. Pay close attention to Olly, the youngest member of the Nights Watch. He was mad grilling Jon throughout the entire scene. It stands to reason, the boy’s whole family was slaughtered by the Wildlings and here is his hero, parlaying with the enemy. Olly’s mad-dog face is a theatre trope called Chekov’s gun. The famous playwright Chekov once said if you’re going to show a gun in an act, you need to use it later or there’s no point in showing it at all. Something tells us Olly’s silent rage will lead to a reckoning.
Speaking of Chekov’s gun, did anyone see Sansa sneaking a cork screw on her walk with Ramsay in Winterfell? If Sansa doesn’t get to shank Ramsay by the end of the season, fans will riot… on social media. The whole event in Winterfell is just one depressing thing after another and Reek said it best, “It could always get worse.” We see Sansa lying in bed, covered in bruises, weeping, a defeated little girl who we all thought was finally blooming into a strong woman in the past two seasons. We learned Ramsay had his way with her for several days now. Sansa beseeched Theon for help but apparently he’s still “Reek” by asking him to light a candle for help to come.
Reek which is synonymous with “Snitch”, tattles on Sansa and earned her maid an old Bolton-style flaying. We caught a glimpse of Brienne staring at the highest tower, waiting for a candle to be lit – now we know what she wrote in her letter to Winterfell a few episodes earlier. Things aren’t looking too good for Stannis either. During his march towards Winterfell his army is caught in a blizzard, his horses are dying, his troops are deserting and Melisandre wants to sacrifice Shireen. What was it that Reek said again? Aaah, it could always get worse.
In King’s Landing we’re treated with a couple of nice banters between major characters – not major in the show, but in the city of King’s Landing itself. The Queen of Thorn finally met her match against the High Sparrow. Played wonderfully by Jonathan Pryce, The High Sparrow verbally riposted every single one of her witty attacks. Both of them need to teach lessons in how to shut someone down without touching them. She was, unfortunately, able to get her grandchildren freed but she did receive some good news from Littlefinger, their own version of a sultry squire. If Maegary and Loras can be jailed because of the words of a simple squire, imagine what would happen to Cersei if Lancel, her own cousin, told the High Sparrow everything he knew? We don’t need to imagine as we saw it first hand when Cersei visited the Sept. She’s taken away, her plotting finally turned against her. All that time, sitting on her father’s chair, pretending to be her father, she left behind too openings. In the end, Cersei was arrested for what we all know is incest.
Finally we get to the arc that the episode was titled after. In a comedic moment we hear the slave traders spelling out all of Jorah Mormont’s many achievements during a slave auction: He killed Khal Drogo in single combat, he charged into Balon Greyjoy’s castle with a flaming sword (that was Thoros of Myr, from the Brotherhoods without Banners), he is master of the sword and lance, and most important of all: The most friendzoned character in Game of Thrones. Tyrion gets more tail than this guy and he had to beat a slaver with his own chains just to get bought.
As the buyer shuffles them off to a makeshift arena we learn Danaerys is watching, because it is the custom to watch apparently. Jorah hears this and rushes out and beats the living bejesus out of every combatant in the arena before revealing himself. Tyrion rushes in later announcing, “I am Tyrion Lannister.” What happens next is anyone’s guess, at this point we’re already beyond Danaerys plot arc… or sideswiping it somewhat, she still needs to reconcile with her dragons.
